To Attend or Not to Attend?

Some Joey friends are getting married this weekend in a small town in North Carolina. Mr. Joey is headed there tonight but I'm staying behind. I feel bad about it but when we RVSP'd, I thought I wouldn't be able to go. I was told that I'd be taking a trip to Tanzania in early April and I knew if that was true, I'd be missing our friends' wedding. When my boss told me to go ahead and apply for a Tanzanian work visa, I knew there was a really good chance I'd miss the wedding.

Well, it's early April and I'm still here. Turns out the trip won't be for a while. The visa is still good, so I'm not worried about that. I do still bad about not making it to the wedding though. I knew a few weeks ago that I wouldn't be traveling for work and could have opted to join Mr. Joey, but I decided against it. I know, I know.

My biggest reason for not going is financial. If we both went to the wedding, it would cost us about $700 each not including food and a present. The wedding is in a tiny town that is served by two airline carriers. Fares are not cheap. Also, there's the car rental, place to stay before the wedding and the night of the wedding. I just can't justify that cost right now. I've got a nice big property tax bill coming my way in a few weeks and I'm pretty sure my half payment will be about $700.

Another reason I opted not to go was because I shouldn't take too much time off this month. We're headed to a wedding in San Diego in a few weeks. I took off 3 days to enjoy some sun. Yes, I'm spending money to go to San Diego but in the end because of a flight coupon and awesome condo deal, we're each only $400 for 6 days. We also knew about the wedding 3 months before the North Carolina wedding.

Mr. Joey knew he was going to this wedding from the beginning. Before they started teaching, Mr. Joey and the groom were best friends. They still are fairly close. They play in a band together, used to work at EMP together and are both teachers, so they spend a lot of time hanging out during school vacations. Mr. Joey knew that only 4 people from Seattle were headed to North Carolina for the wedding. This is a destination wedding of sorts.

Now Mr. Joey is doubting his decision. Making lesson plans for substitute teachers takes twice as long as making them for yourself. He's been struggling with his lesson plans all week. In addition, Mr. Joey is using his only 2 personal days for the wedding. He hasn't missed a day of school in 2 years. It's hard for him to miss school on purpose. Besides flying solo to the wedding, I think the biggest reason Mr. Joey is feeling a little down about attending this wedding is because of money. He owed the government money this year and now he's got his share of the structural engineer, architect and building permits to pay for. These weren't expenses we anticipated 4 months ago. I hope the weather gets nice and he really enjoys himself. I don't want him to feel bad about going to a friend's wedding.

Before Mr. Joey bought his plane ticket, I suggested an alternative to going to the wedding. The bride changed jobs late last year and while she happy about her new position, I think she's less than happy about the vacation benefit. She only gets one week and she's using it all to prepare for the wedding in North Carolina. Since the bride and the groom wouldn't be going on a honeymoon, I suggested we buy them a minimoon. I was thinking $250-350 gift certificate with Amtrak Vacations or the Victoria Clipper. I know you can get weekend deals to Portland or Victoria BC including transportation, hotel and transfers for $300. Mr. Joey and I did a lovely train trip to Vancouver last year with Amtrak. I was also thinking a weekend away at their favorite Washington Winery, a bottle of wine from that winery and a little cat sitting coupon from us. Wouldn't that be cute? I thought this was a great alternative; we'd save over a $1000 on the trip and they'd get a lovely minimoon.

What do you think? Knowing our financial situation (our own wedding this summer and house), would you forgive us for not attending your wedding? Would you have gone to the wedding or gave the minimoon gift?