Dutiful Daughter

I mentioned in some past posts that we made a lot of changes to our wedding plans because of my parents. I know a lot of people say (and have said) that it's our wedding and we should do what we want. While I totally agree, I do still feel like we (mostly me) have the responsibility to consider their wishes. I don't know if it is the Catholic guilt or the Filipino/Sri-Lankan upbringing, but I can't help it. It's just the way it goes.

I can't say that we didn't try to ignore their wishes. We found a great community center (in not the best area) to have the reception at and when I told my Mom about it, I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I made the mistake of asking her what she thought and she made the mistake of telling me. Let's just say there was some crying. She did say it was my wedding, and I could do what I wanted but I still felt really bad that she didn't like it and might even be embarrassed about it. I told her that with our budget and the number of relatives we had to invite, the community center was all we could afford.

She called me later that afternoon and told me she had spoken to my Dad and they were willing to pay up to $6000 towards the food and reception venue if she had a say in that part of the process. I told her I had to talk to Mr. Joey about it. I told him but I was really mad about the compromise. Looking back, I'm not sure why. He was great. He said we could march on with our plans and both my Mom and I would feel bad about the situation or we could take the money and make the best of it. He did say that if we agreed to take the money, then we would limit their say in the wedding to the food and venue. I agreed and we told the parents the news. Since then, my Mom has tried to "give" us her opinion on other elements of the wedding, but I've learned to say, "thanks for that Mom but this isn't part of the agreement."

I know some of you are still wondering why Mr. Joey and I would worry so much about what my parents think. Well, I think there are a lot of reasons, some to do with me and some that don't.

I think the first big reason is that I've cheated them out of 2 proud parent moments. I skipped out on my undergraduate and graduate ceremonies. I never walked down the aisle to collect the fake diploma as my parents cried and cheered me on. When my sister graduated college and we were in the stands cheering her on, my Mom mentioned she would have loved to see me walk.

This was suppose to be their second wedding. My sister was going to have a beautiful wedding. Lovely gown, ceremony at St. Ignatius Chapel at Seattle University and lavish reception at the Edgewater Hotel. Unfortunately that didn't happen. The army had it way and my sister didn't get hers. My parents told everyone about the wedding and then had to tell everyone about the cancellation. It's just me and my sister and I don't know if she'll ever have the chance to have the wedding of her and their dreams. I'm the next best thing.

The last reason is our couple reason. My parents are giving us the means to have our own house. A piece of property on our salaries in Seattle is impossible. This is a HUGE gift. Words can't even describe. And on top of that my dad is giving us his labor for free. We pay for his crew and the materials but he's free. Seriously, how can you not afford them some of their wishes on our wedding day.

I think each bride and groom has outside pressures to deal with when planning a wedding. Ours were are my parents. Did you have to make major changes to your wedding plans to accommodate anyone else's wishes?