Critical Conversations

A year and a half ago (roughly) Mama Joey called me and left a message asking me to call her back ASAP. I was in a training and called her during my afternoon break. Her voice sounded a little shaky but I thought maybe I just caught her after a cough or something. She said she had news -- bad news. My first thought was that something happened to my BIL. He was serving in Afghanistan at the time, and well, I'm sure you can guess what I was thinking. It wasn't my BIL, he was fine. Mama J said that she had gone to the doctor the week before and they found a few lumps on her breast. She wasn't alarmed at the time because she's had benign cysts removed before. She return to the doctor that morning and they told her the lumps were cancer.

I was silent. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think and I could hear my name being paged over the PA system asking me to return to the training room. I wanted to ask her all sorts of questions but she said she had to go to her next appointment for more tests. I didn't know what to do so I went back into the training. I sent Mr. Joey a note that said, 'Mom has breast cancer. Called from the doctor's but I don’t know anything else.' He said he was just leaving work and was coming to get me. I don't know what was said in the training that afternoon or what the topic was period. Mr. Joey picked me up and I cried the entire way home. Mama J was still at the doctor's and said she'd come over afterwards.

I'll fast forward though the doctor's visits -- they weren't fun. It was decided that the best course of action was a partial mastectomy. They had caught the cancer really, really early and were confident that removing one breast would stop the cancer in its tracks. Once Mama Joey made her decision, sister Joey and I set about laying out a plan for the next 6 weeks while she recovered. Sister Joey was at home living with my parents. She had just graduated and was waiting for orders to move to Italy from the Army. She had two jobs to keep her busy (and from thinking about her husband at war) but was insistent she help care for Mama J.

In the mornings sister J would stay home and be around for Mama J. I worked less than a mile from my parents house and at lunch, I'd leave and relieve sister Joey of her morning duties. She go to work and I'd telecommute from my parents house. I know I've mentioned my job isn't really personal life friendly when it comes to travel, but in a real crisis, they pull through. My boss and the program director said I could work from home for as long as I needed. I really appreciate that. Anyway, around 5pmish, my cousin, who lives with my parents, and my Dad would come home and be there with her in the evenings. I'm sure you're wondering where Papa Joey is. He is NOT good with blood or any kind of health stuff. He faints at the sight of blood. We thought it best not leave him alone with Mama Joey during the first few weeks.

Our care routine was in place for about 6 weeks. I was tired the whole time. I cooked, cleaned and shopped for my parents as much as I could. I ran myself ragged because I felt bad. I got to go home every night where Mr. Joey would try to maintain some normalcy for me. He took care of me - cooking, cleaning, shopping, distracting me (in a good way) -- my family didn't have that. One night in bed at the end of Mama Joey's recovery, I told him how glad I was that they caught her cancer early. I would have had to go permanent part-time at work and possibly move back in with my parents or we'd have to move closer. He nodded. Then I told him (randomly) that if something like this happened again or my parents were just too old, they have to come live with us. He didn't say anything -- maybe because he was in shock or maybe because I was fragile, I'm not sure. We didn't really talk about it again until recently.

As we were working with the architect on the design of our house, we talked about building in a mother-in-law unit in the basement. He thought it would be a good way to help pay the mortgage. I said I thought it was perfect. We could rent it out now, and when our parents needed it, they could stay there. He didn't flinched -- I thought he would. I asked him what he thought about my parents (or his) living with us and he said he was ok with it. WHAT? That's not what I was expecting. He said he thought about it a lot the first time I mentioned it. At first he wasn't sure about but then realized that I was always a big family person -- it was part of the reason he loved me. He couldn't change that. He also knew that my sister would help care for my parents and that we'd have to force my parents to live with us. They like their freedom too much and would feel like a burden.

I'm glad we didn't have to fight about this. I don't know what I would have done or how I would have felt if he said my parents weren't welcome to live with us. Sister Joey and I have known for years that we wouldn't put our parents in a nursing home unless we really couldn't provide them with the care they needed. I don't know if this discussion would have hurt or ended our relationship (I feel strongly about it) and I'm glad I won't have to find out.

There are so many issues (money, work, whether to have kids or not) that couples split up about that were never discussed before the wedding. What critical conversation did you and your FI or husband or ex had that either brought you together or ultimately tore you apart?

P.S. Mama Joey is as healthy as ever. :)

Not Feeling in the Wedding Mood

Over the weekend I finally got my act together and made a list of everything that needs to be done for the wedding.  Although it was long and quite daunting, it kind of made me excited.  I was eager to tackle some fun new crafts and really the list meant that the wedding was fast approaching.  

The first thing on my list to tackle were table runners.  I did a few Sunday night and planned to do a few more Monday night after dinner.  I don't think table runners are going to get made today or tomorrow.  I'm just not in a wedding mood.

This afternoon I got an email from a friend saying he had to change his RSVP status to decline. The deadline for a big project he's been working on has been moved to the week after the wedding.  Things are going to be too crazy and he's not going to be able to take time off from work.

Yes, it's just one decline but it's one at the end of a long list of others.  A few people got laid off, some had their salaries cut, 3 are having babies (yay!) and a handful can't come because they can't get time off.  I can't complain.  Seattle is really far especially if you are coming from DC, New York, New Zealand or Singapore.  The economy is tough and I myself had to skip a wedding this month and just send Mr. Joey.  But all the same, it's really hard to get excited for the wedding when some really important people aren't going to be there.

I'm trying to look on the bright side; my Uncles are coming all the way from Sri-Lanka and England and my Mom's entire family (all 50) will be there.  My sister is coming home from Italy and said she would quit her job if she isn't given the time off.  I hope she doesn't quit and I hope she gets the time off.  She's the Maid of Honor and I don't have bridesmaids.

Have you had any discouraging wedding moments?  How did you pull through and get back on track?

The Memory Flower Girl Bowl-Basket

So Susan of Up in the Air Somewhere sent me two designs of the bowl-basket (Pengy! Can you link the Memory Bowl post whe it's up?) and I decided to go with option 1. I loved the ruffle/petal things and she was right -- it did remind me of my dress. I think I made the right choice.

without handle

with handle

the petals

The corks in their new home.

I love the basket. Also, Susan made it so the handle can come off and the little hole that attached the handle to the bowl can be covered by gluing on some extra petals she enclosed. We may not have tons of wedding pictures hanging in our new house but we'll have lots to remind us of the big day.

Are you doing anything special for the usually overlooked flower girl basket?

A Place for Memories

Mr. Joey isn't a big picture person. He said that we had to smile to one too many as a child and that has ruined him for life. I think he looks great in pictures but I do know what he's talking about. In about half of his pictures, he gets this awkward uncomfortable smile. I also am not comfortable in front of the camera. I feel like my lips and cheeks take over me face. I guess everyone has their picture issues. :)

Because we're not picture taking people, we don't have very many photos commemorating big events. We don't have one from the night he proposed and there aren't many of us (that we know of) from the last wedding we attended. Instead, we collect something else that captures the moment -- corks. Yes, it sounds weird but it's different and it works for us.

Every time we celebrate with bottle of something, we save the cork and write the date and occasion on it. We have one from our first night in our apartment, our engagement, various holidays and celebration dinners. There's no actual image to waken the memory but just picking up the cork and looking at the date and occasion stirs up the memory of entire celebration for me in my head. And it's not about the vintage or type of beverage consumed (there are a lot of Cook's corks) but about how much fun we had or how what we toasted changed our lives forever.

Up until now, the memory corks have been living in random decorative bowls around the apartment. They don't have a permanent home that reflects the great joy they represent. So what does this have to do with the wedding? Well, everything but more specifically it has to do with the flower girl's basket.

Originally, I thought I'd buy a small basket after Easter when they are on sale and dress it up with some flowers and ribbon. $3 or $4 later I would be done. Perfect. Then of course I was on Etsy and stumbled upon Up in the Air Somewhere. Susan makes these beautiful vases and bowls. I thought about buying one but talked myself out of it. What would I use it for? Then that night when I got home, I looked down at our little bowl of memories and realized one of her pieces would be the perfect home for them. Then of course I thought (because I have to be practical) that could also use our new memory bowl as unique flower girl basket.

I sent Susan an email asking if she'd be interested in creating a custom piece for me. I told that 's like something that could be used as a flower girl's basket but could also be incorporated into our new home. I sent color samples and picture of my dress to give her an idea of the style of the wedding.

Susan was excited that chance to make something for our wedding (I'm so humbled). She sent these two drawing and a little description of each. I love the first one and think I'm going to go that way.

First image: I think this one is my favorite and I think the more modern option. It's the shingle basket. The rim of the bowl would have three rows of overlapping rounded paper squares that are attached at the top so they have a sort of ruffled, loose feel. They would be the yellow of the flower girls dress and the rest of the bowl would be matte white. The inside of the bowl would be sealed in a glossy polyurethane for a little texture contrast. I'm thinking that the "shingles" on the bowl will sort of reflect the folded details on your dress.

Second image: This is a minimal interpretation of the classic flower girl basket. It's the stripe basket. There are two stripes of the flower girl yellow painted on the bowl. The rest is white and glossy inside and out. Two yellow ribbons would hang where the handle is attached. Again, the handle would be detachable as well as the ribbon, so you'd end up with a simple striped bowl.

Besides pictures, do you have other ways of preserving special memories or celebrations?

The Real Trial - Part 2

So I really loved the make-up but I think we'll have to make a few very minor changes. The hair? Sold as is. No changes needed. I love, love, love it. It's a little messy, a little structured and really cute. Ashley did an awesome job.

Back

Front

The great thing about doing the trial on Saturday was that I could test out my look at a party Saturday night. My eye make-up looked more natural in bright place or darker light. No dim lighting for us. I didn't even notice the really light shadow below my eyebrows though I do think they just need a little more blending. The airbrushing was flawless. It didn't get shiny or feel thick and it looked really great.

The hair did great as well. I think we'll need a little something to keep the few strays down, but nothing crazy. Some of the piece of hair that got pinned under came undone, but it didn't look bad. I think they were just a little shorter than the rest and a few more months of growing my hair out will fix that.

I really liked doing the trial and then going out because it helped get a feel for everything. I know what little details we'll try to change and what really worked. I also learned that I will need to make sure I provide a power stripe for Ashley and possibly a good lamp. I don't want her to have to hunt for multiple outlets or plug and unplug things over and over again.

Also, the trial gave me a good sense of how much time to budget for hair and make-up on the big day. It took us a little over an hour to do the whole trial. That includes the time setting up the lighting, deciding on a hair style, getting used to the fragile flare lashes I bought and deciding on shadow color.

What "ah-ha" moments did you have during or after your trial?

P.S. Check out my new (and final) hair piece. I think it looks great with the 'do.

The Real Trial - part 1

The amazing Ashley came over on Saturday to do our real hair and make-up trial. We did one previously, but I didn't know what I really wanted. She was great. She used my inspiration pictures to come up with the perfect hair and make-up combo.

So this is me on a normal day. I don't wear much make-up. Blush, eyeliner (mostly on the bottom) and mascara. That's it. I used wear more but traveling has forced me to simplify.

This is my fancy face. A little tinted moisturizer, more eyeliner and a little shadow. I don't usually wear lip color. My lips would look HUGE. I'm lip salve kind of girl.

Here is Ashley's handy work.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the airbrushing. It was so light; it didn’t feel like I had make-up on. Overall, I really like the make-up. I'm not a huge fan of the really light shadow (based) right below my eyebrows. Maybe something a tinsy bit closer to my skin color? What do you think of the shimmery shadow? I really like it but I was also thinking something a little more pink? I really would love to do a green or yellow but I'm not sure it would go with the borrowed sari.

I do think we need to go with longer lashes. We did medium length flares, just 3 on each side. I think they made my lashes fuller but not any longer. I played with the longer lashes a bit on Sunday and I don't think they look too crazy especially since she'd place them on the out corner only.

Thoughts ladies?

The Final Flower

After months of back and forth going from vendor to vendor, I finally found a hair piece I like. When last we left the hair piece saga, I was choosing between two gorgeous numbers. Most bees liked option 2. Classic with a little color. I liked it too but I also really like craziness of option 1.

Jessica and I traded emails about how we could merge option 1 and 2 and finally Jessica took the reigns and came up with a entirely different piece. As soon as I saw it I was sold. May I present my final, final, FINAL(!) hair piece.

I love it and it looks great with my bridal do. You'll just have to stay tuned to see it in action! What element of your wedding accessories did you go back and forth on until it was perfect?

I Really, REALLY Heart Craigslist!

Worn out and frustrated with our search for a rehearsal site venue had me grasping at straws. I had the Baguette Box idea but FIL Joeys we're jumping up and down crazy about it. They really liked it but they worried that not having a place for everyone to sit would be a problem. Hmm…I see their point. I was just about to give up for then night when I thought, "maybe Craigslist? What could it hurt?" So I wrote a small ad:

We're looking for someone to cater and host (in their space) our rehearsal dinner on xx around 6pm. We'd like to spend $25 per person for food not including tax or tip. We have 35 people in our party. We'd love to bring our own booze but are open to purchasing it from you. Interested parties, please email us the location of your space, link to pictures (if possible) and a sample menu.

I didn’t expect much from the ad but it was worth a shot. I had been lucky with my invitation printer, photographer and hair/make-up artist. Why not role the dice again?

I got the usual weirdoes. My favorite was someone named the Captain who said for $24 extra, he'd throw in the parrot and "rev" could marry us that night. Yeah, I'm thinking I'll pass. 10 offers later and no luck until I got an email from Lynn at Lake Street Catering. She said they could work within our budget and that she had access to beautiful house we could use for free in Bellevue (across the lake from Seattle). I ignored the note at first. I had hoped to have the dinner in Seattle but then thought if the house was on the way to the chapel (which is on the same side of Lake Washington), then it wouldn't be so bad. I emailed Lynn and asked for the house address and MapQuest said it was right off the freeway; just after the 520 bridge and on the lake. Interesting…

I pitched the idea to Mr. Joey. The food sounded good, she had some good references (the mayor of Kirkland likes her), the house was on the way and the price was right. His thoughts? Get pictures of that house!

I asked for pictures and it's lovely. It's right on the lake with it's own dock. It has pool. Who has a pool in the Seattle area? And the patio around the pool looked like a nice place to have dinner. I asked Lynn if that was possible and she said they could bring in tables and chairs and set it up. They even had tents and all this was included in the price. I was sold! I forwarded the pictures on to my FILs and asked for their blessing to start talking tasting and menu with Lynn. They said it sounded like a wonderful option. Woot! Woot! And I'll add a Heck Yeah! And I forgot to say, we can bring our own wine!

Lynn is getting the final OK from her friend who owns the house but is 99% sure it's fine. The owner is spending the spring in New Zealand but is vacationing in France right now (must be nice). Lynn said that she has other venues we could use and we'd still stay on budget. We're 99% sure we're going with her and Lake Street Catering. We're going to do a tasting, check out the house, and get a final owner from the house's owner by the end of next week. We have some options on the back, back, back burner if this doesn't work out but I have a good feeling about this and Lynn, so I'll be happy when we can turn those burners off. I really, really want this to work!

I have to say, this has been the most stressful part of the planning thus far. Who knew? What item on your list were you the most relieved to be done with?

Mr. Joey, Is That You?

So I mentioned before that Mr.Joey was apparently inspired by the last wedding we attended. Never has he willingly wanted to discuss the ceremony apart from what music will be played. Now he talks of readings, personal touches and traditions we can add. I'm blown away.

And then I was blown away again. Last night I came down with another awful sinus headache after dinner and went straight to bed. This morning, when I checked my email, I saw one from Mr. Joey entitled "rings." I opened up to find that last night while I was asleep, he searched online for his wedding band. He'll do wedding research, but I have to ask him to do it. He researched rings all on his own. Um, hello? Is that really you Mr. Joey?

He not only looked up rings but he also asked married friends about their rings. After collecting all his data, this is the ring he decided on:

image

I think it is very him. Not flashy but has a little something special to it. His musician friends told him a Tungsten comfort ring is great for playing bass or guitar. They hardly notice it. His carpenter friend said it takes a beating and still looks great. I think he's sold and amazingly this ring is less than we budgeted for. Goodness!!

How did your FI or husband select his ring? Did he ask friends or did he just try some rings on?

Trying to find FOCCUS

Like Ms. Mascara and Mrs. Dumpling, various bees before me have blogged about doing Pre-Cana and taking the FOCCUS test. Like most men I know, Mr. Joey was not really interested in any type of pre-marital counseling. He's willing to spill the beans on our checking accounts with a financial planner but not discuss our relationship with counselor or other certified person. I totally understand. I'm not really comfortable talking about my feeling in front of a stranger either.

Since our chapel doesn't offer marriage prep classes, I set about trying to find somewhere else to take them. Engaged Encounter was out. Mr. Joey can't afford to lose his entire weekend at this point in the school year. Doing it in the summer would be fine, but our officiant said that would be cutting it too close. I called some local Catholic Churches but had no luck either. Classes already started or they only allowed parishioners to participate. I looked into private non-Catholic counseling but the price tag was hefty and Mr. Joey wasn't willing to shell out that kind of money for something he didn't think we needed.

I was about to give up and force Mr. Joey into taking the Engaged Encounter when my sister suggested I look at Seattle University. I had planned to get married in their chapel but the date that was available didn't work with our schedule and I had to give it up. I wasn't sure they'd let me take pre-cana there since I wasn't getting married in their chapel, but thought I'd try anyway.

I'm so glad I made that call. Kathy in the Campus Ministry department was happy to conduct our pre-cana and set us up with the FOCCUS test. She said she knew our priest and as long as I had attend Seattle U, it was fine. Lucky for me I did go to Seattle U for a few years and went to it's prep school. On top of that, when I emailed Kathy to confirm the price of the sessions, she happily told me they were free. FREE!? Awesome! Seattle University can expect a small donation or gift from Mr. and Mrs. Joey in the future.

We had our first session yesterday, and I'm soooo glad we ended up at Seattle University. I think because their campus ministry is pretty liberal and it's a college, Kathy was much easier to talk to. She didn't flinch when we told her that we "co-habitate" or that the main reason we're getting married in a Catholic Church was to please our parents. She was just so pleased that we had it together. I think most of the couples she sees are in their early to mid-twenties and haven't dated too long. She said it was rare to get a couple in who had a tested and stable work/home/relationship balance. Over 4 years together and almost 3 in a shared home -- we have it down. Thankfully, the test said the same thing. The Joeys are a perfect fit.

If you did pre-cana or other religious pre-marital counseling, did you feel comfortable being yourself and answering questions in a way you knew were not inline with your church (i.e. living together, birth control?)

Somebody, Please Take Our Money!

I thought finding a reception space was hard until FMIL asked me to look for a rehearsal dinner spot. The requirements? A place for 35 people to dine for about $25-30 a head (not including, tax, tip or beverages), serve wine and beer, have some vegetarian options and will serve family style (no pizza). Oh, on a Friday night around 6pm-ish. Sounds easy enough right? Wrong! I've dealt with 6 different restaurants, some leading me on while others flat out telling me that they were not willing to lose that Friday night business.

I'm not trying to arrange a budget dinner at a 5 star restaurant. All the places I looked had main courses that feed 2-3 people for $10-15 a piece. I'm (well, FILs) are willing to spend over $30 a head for a 2 hour dinner. I think the math says our group is more lucrative.

I have to say that I am really amazed that people don't want our money. Family style and we'll order 2 or 3 months ahead of time? Doesn't seem to complicated. I'll spare you the details about the restaurants that haven't worked. Let's just say some place lacked serious customer service skills.

Since finding a venue has been so hard, we've had to think outside the box, or rather in it. The first place that came to mind that was a little different was a sandwich shop called Baguette Box. They serve gourmet versions of Bahn Mi (Vietnamese Sandwiches). Their sandwiches are to die for. Crispy tofu braised in coconut juice? Yum! They also have very good sides and delicious truffle fries. The only thing about this place is that it closes at 5pm and doesn't serve alcohol.

I called, just to inquire if a private party was possible and the new wasn't bad. I have to say, I was so happy to get someone nice on the phone. The manager like the idea of holding the rehearsal dinner there. The place only seats 20, but we'd have the whole place to ourselves to mingle. I asked him if we could bring in our own wine if we purchase a banquet license and he said he would check. All I got at the end of the call was promise that the manager would call the owner and find out if my idea was an option, but that was enough for me. I hope it works out.

I told Mr. Joey the news when I got home and while he was also excited about the prospects of Baguette Box, he warned me not to get my hopes up. So we set about trying to come up with more options. Mr. Joey suggested we go back to our original catering/reception venue list and look at all the places that were way too small for our reception. Viola! We found 3 caterers we really liked who came in our price range and had their own space. I sent bid requests and I have my fingers crossed that something good will come out of it.

If I had my way, we'd do a BBQ or something at home. The Joey FILs want to avoid that since the wedding is so early the next day. They don't want people to spend a lot of time cooking and cleaning the day before. Makes sense.

Anyone else have so many problems coming up with a venue for their rehearsal dinner?

Vacation from the Wedding - part 1

Our good friends Dani and Jer got married over the weekend in at the beautiful Darlington House in La Jolla San Diego. It was the best wedding I've been to. I had a great time and Mr. Joey even danced!!

The funny thing about attending someone's wedding while you planning your own, is that your mind races with every new and interesting detail you see. First, the ceremony. They were married by a friend and had a non-religious ceremony. They also broke the ceremony up into sections:

Welcome and Meaning of Marriage

Reading 1

Vows and Exchange of Rings

Reading 2

Sand Ceremony

Reading 3

Closing Words and Intrduction of New Couple

I really like the flow of the wedding. It looked like it would be long, but it wasn't, or it didn't feel that way. They did something interesting called the Sand Ceremony. Each person had a container of sand representing their individual life and together they poured them into a new container symbolizing the grains of ther lives coming together. I thought it was a great personal touch.

image: Leslie Spero

The readings were also great too. The first was from the movie, When Harry Met Sally, and the second was the poem Hug-O-War by Shel Silverstien and the third was an excerpt from the The Velveteen Rabbit.

I SO want to do something similar but it isn't really permitted in the ceremony. Oh, well…

The silver lining in all this is that watching Dani and Jer share their vows made Mr. Joey think about what it's going to be like for us. Mr. Joey was hesitant about having a Catholic blessing but agreed to it. After our last meeting with the officiant, he officially checked out of the ceremony planning. All the rules and regulations and limited flexibility in the ceremony was too much for him. I set about collecting readings and gospels for him to look at but he ultimately said whatever I wanted was fine. I wasn't happy with the answer but I was OK with it. Then something happened to Mr. Joey during the ceremony and suddenly he had all sorts of ideas.

For Example:

Doing the first and second readings in Sinhalese (Sri-Lankan Language) and Tagalog (the Filipino language my family speaks) with English translations in the program. He said he thought it would be something nice for my parents, particularly my Dad. Seriously? I almost started to cry. Mr. Joey isn't really the sentimental type so this was a big gesture.

Adding a third reading. Something we both love. I really love Mrs. Kitten's idea about using, Oh, the Places You Will Go by Dr. Seuss. It could work. The readings we're thinking about from the bible are super short. Maybe if we did an excerpt, we could fit something else in.

The bride's processional. He said that if I didn't mind, he wanted to come up with something special that would be a surprise. Again, Seriously? Are you sure you're Mr. Joey?

Did you FI suddenly get interested in an aspect of the planning that he previously ignored? What made him do so?

If We Had to Do It Again - Part 2

Two words -- Salk Institute.





I know I'm trying to be frugal with our wedding budget and save for the construction of our house but I would give my right leg, left arm and donate all my healthy cells to the institute to get married here.

Here a little background: Jonas Salk invented the polio vaccine (amazing) and purposely did not patent it so it could be available to everyone (double amazing). Because of his talent and forward thinking, he was given A LOT of money to build a research institute. Because he's so smart, he headed west to the paradise that is now La Jolla, California to find somewhere that would inspire artists and scientist alike. He teamed up with the amazing architect Louis Kahn and together they created the place of my wedding dreams (and haven for biological studies).

Mr. Joey is a architecture nerd. All his friends from college are architects or came from families of architects. I think he even did his master's thesis on the effect building architecture has on high school learning. See -- architecture nerd:) Anywho, when we started making plans for San Diego, Mr. Joey asked if we could go on a tour of the Salk Institute. I thought we were going to learn more about polio, so I of course was in.

Oh, there was little about polio and that's ok. The tour was about the architecture and vision of Kahn and Salk. Stunning. Absolutely stunning. Seriously, I would have considered a destination wedding to San Diego just to get married here. Sounds crazy but I could see the lines of my dress in the architecture of the buildings.

Alas, were not getting married here but someone could. The tour guide said that they do host weddings on the weekends. I have no idea what it costs, but it can't be cheap. I did find out that visiting the grounds and the cafeteria is free and open to the public. If you are in the area and need somewhere to inspire you, I can think of no better place. If you are an area bride, I have two more words for you -- engagement shoot. Think about it. I would:)

Mr. Joey soaking in a few rays and a lot of inspiration.

Wouldn't you love to say your vows and have this in the background?

Perfect place for the reception. Just below the perfect place for the ceremony.

How about sharing a kiss down one of these halls or landings? Sounds like a nice engagement picture to me.

If I Had to Do It Over Again - Part 1

Men Can Have Showers Too!

Our friend Paul just got married a few weekends ago. To celebrate his upcoming nuptials, his fellow teachers threw him a Man Shower. Yup. A shower for guys. There weren't any gifts off the registry or cute little favors but there were adults in overalls. Paul an avid gardener and lovingly refers to his 3x8 foot garden as his "farm" so his co-workers threw his a farm party. They dressed up in overall and straw hats, and bought him "farm" stuff ie seeds, rakes, shovels.

When Mr. Joey hears the words bridal shower, he cringes. Something about it want to make him run for the hills. I'm 99.99% certain we won't be having a co-ed shower. I think that's fine. But the question is, will Mr. Joey get a Man Shower? He'd say he doesn't want one (too embarrassing) but I think it would be funny. He works with this awesome teacher Jen who loves to make Mr. Joey feel uncomfortable in a comfortable way. When ever he looks a little frustrated, she always asks Mr. Joey to hug it out. He hates hugging people (besides me and relatives). She always asks the sweatiest teenager in school to stand next to him during school masses so they will inevitably have to hold hands (he hates holding hands - germs).

So of course when I thought about Mr. Joey and the Man Shower, I immediately thought of Jen. Sounds like she might be putting something together. In the end, if it isn't girlie shower, he'd love it. How do you think your groom would feel about a man shower? Anyone's husband or FI had one?

OVERLOAD!

Mr. Joey and I are about to bust. Not in a good way, not in a bad way and not in a financial way (yet). It's been wedding, wedding, house, wedding, house, house, house nonstop for the last 3 weeks. And not just our wedding but everyone else's too. Mr Joey went to a friend's wedding 2 weekends ago and we're headed to a wedding in San Diego this weekend. Of course you know that a wedding isn't just a ceremony and reception, but all the dinners and parties that go along with it. Like I said; wedding, wedding, house, wedding, house, house, house.

Take for example Saturday. We started the day well; a nice long lie in followed by a yummy breakfast prepared by Mr. Joey. As soon as the last bite was in my mouth, my phone rang. It was my Dad asking us to meet him at Lowe's in an hour to look at fences. We know it's early for fences but there were some he got an awesome deal on for another project that he wanted us to look at. If he bought all the fencing for both projects, he could save everyone a huge chunk of change.

After Lowe's, we followed my Dad to the cabinet and counter place. We've been going back and forth about cabinets and counters for weeks. There's a style we're after that we saw at Ikea we'd like to replicate. My Dad suggested that we not buy from Ikea and spend a little more for solid wood cabinets. He said it would last much longer. We agreed but finding the same style elsewhere has been hard. So after weeks of back and forth, we finally ended up with what we want. Check it out. Just imagine it with white counters and cork floors! The layout will be different but the style the same.

After finalizing the cabinets and counters, we headed to a great local wine store to pick up a bottle for dinner. While we were there, we perused the their selection for possible wedding wines. We ended up there longer than we planned. We got to talking with one of their staff about how much wine we should serve. She said that taking into consideration the time of day, the time of year and the number of drinkers, we should probably be buying 2 cases of red and 2 cases of white. She also told us that we can get 5% off each case we buy and we could return unused wine. Good to know.

After a nice walk around our future neighborhood, we headed home so Mr. Joey could sneak in a quick power nap. He had a little headache. While he slept, I tallied up the recent RSVPs and declines, answered emails from various vendors, completed my portion of the FOCCUS test and took an inventory of the fabric and vases we have for the wedding.

Later in the evening we joined friends where the main topic of conversation was the wedding Mr. Joey just attended.

This week Mr. Joey has to take his portion of the FOCCUS test, get pictures taken and his passport renewal application off and we're meeting with our financial planner (finally). I've also been hunting for a new rehearsal dinner location.

Thankfully we're headed to San Diego this week -- for a wedding. Actually, I'm looking forward to San Diego. Sun! Give me Sun! We managed to fit in a few extra days there and are looking forward to being away from our computers (leaving them at home) and not going near a Lowe's for a few days.

I think this break comes at the perfect time. As we near the 3 month mark for the wedding and ground breaking for the house (2 weeks!!!!), we know all the planning will get crazier.

Did you take a break from wedding planning for a few days?

Brown Dress Plan: Week 4 and Getting Kicked off the Wagon

Week 4 of the brown dress plan didn't go as I had hoped. I did manage to get in about an hour of lifting and abs, and almost 3 hours of vigorous walking but the spin classes did not happen. I'd like to say I was lazy and enjoyed some other activity in place of working out, but that would be a lie. I didn't fall off the wagon; I got kicked off...hard. What kicked me? This:

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Ah, sinus headaches! I love Spring and the sun but I could do without the sinus headaches. I never had them until about 2 years ago. Now when I get them, I get them. My eyeballs feel like they are going to throb right out of their sockets, my head feels like it's being hit by a hammer, and the bridge of my nose feels like a full grown elephant is standing on it. Sometimes my teeth hurt! They are the worse. I got a sinus headache 4 days last week. Week 5 isn't looking so hot either since I spent all of Monday night in bed with another one.

I know I didn't do everything I wanted to do last week (fitness or otherwise) but I'm not too worried about getting back on the horse. I definitely think it helps that this is a lifestyle change as oppose to losing weight by a certain date. I think there's less pressure when you miss a week. And since I'm going to continue with the plan forever (I hope), I know there will always be a week here and there where work or health gets in the way. I think the key is motivation.

I'm definitely seeing some change in my body. I've lost weight around my ribs (below my bra). My calves are a little slimmer and I put on a pair of jeans over the weekend that I haven't worn in 2 years! They were very snug, but they were on me.

I also read this morning that weight loss can lower the prevalence of headaches. In addition to sinus headaches, I get some wicked migraines. There's sweating, head pounding and a few visits to the toilet bowl (sorry tmi). While I do still get the occasional migraine, I have noticed I don't get them as often. I'll woot! woot! to that.

In addition to looking thinner, what kinds of benefits have you seen and/or felt when you changed your diet or started working out more?

Brown Dress Plan
Brown Dress Plan: Week 1
Brown Dress Plan: Weeks 2 & 3

Cooking Up the Registry

We're still a little worried about our registry. We seem to take more off it than put on it and it seems that over 60% of what we managed to put on it costs less that $15. Hmm…we don't want to register for the sake of registering but we want to give guests options. Our solution? Books. Well, more specifically, cookbooks.

Mr. Joey and I love food. I'm not sure we would call ourselves foodies, but maybe the rung below that. We have a little collection of cookbooks now, mostly ones we've been given as gifts.

So now we're trying to add to our cookbook collection. We're looking at titles we know we'll actually use now and in the future. We're also looking for cookbooks Mr. Joey would be comfortable using. He responsible for 3 dinners a week and lately they've been the same things every week. He get intimidated by a long list of ingredients and the use of more than one pot.

I'm looking for 2 types of cookbooks. One with recipes I can prepare fairly quickly and ones with lovely options for our big Sunday dinners. We decided a few months ago to end (or start) the week with a big, interesting meal that may take several hours to prepare. We've been doing various roasts but I'd love to move beyond that. I'm also looking cookbooks on the healthier side (sorry Paula Deen).

I've been surfing Amazon for possible registry additions and then putting cookbook contenders on hold at the library. This way we can test drive the cookbook. If there is more than 5 or 6 recipes we'd prepare, then the cookbook becomes a real contender. I've also been checking out what's on the shelves at friends' houses.

So far, here are some contenders we like (we're not registering for all of them :) )

These two books fit Mr. Joey's need for simple and my need for fast. I love Donna Hay's recipes. They are light and filling at the same time. The ingredients are easy to find but pack a lot of flavor.

We love Chinese but really only eat it when we go out. The only Chinese I currently make is Beef Broccoli. Her recipes are simple and so good. FMIL Joey suggested this title.


Both of these titles seem like they would be great additions to any library. Lots of dishes you can make as mains or sides.

Mr. Joey really liked this Cooking Light title. My only concern is that we get the magazine. It may be to repetitive.

I can make about 6 or 7 Filipino dishes from memory but I'd love to be able to make more. I love this book because of the pictures and stories. It also doubles as a coffee table book which is always a bonus.

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I like both these books because they are a little out of the ordinary for us. We actually made roasted pork belly from the Meat Cookbook for Christmas dinner. It was AMAZING.

Anything you think we should add - suggestions for good Thai, Mexican, South American and Middle Eastern cookbooks? I'm always hunting for Afghan cookbooks. What cookbooks do you have in your library that you can't live without?

Changing My Dress

Oh no, I haven't changed my mind about my dress. I'm still going with the fabulous short number by Liza Rietz, I've just asked her if a little change is possible.

I love the dress as is and would wear it as she designed it but for some reason, only recently did I realize that me and crew necklines? Not a flattering pair. I have wide boobs (yes, I said it) and a crew neckline highlights their wideness. I don't really know how to explain it better than that. I'm sure a push-up bra would help but I also know a scoop neck does wonders. So I emailed Liza and asked her if a small scoop neck was at all possible. Thankfully she said yes and proposed a change.

This is is her original design

And this is the change to the neckline

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I love it. I also love that now I can wear a necklace. Did you change the neckline to your dress so it would flatter your top half better? We're you happy with the result?

Unexpected Expense

If you looked at the Joey budget, you'd see that we tried to budget for everything (accept the thank you gifts). We have parking listed, alcohol license accounted for and even put a little money away for signs.

Turns out we already have an unexpected cost. What is it? This….

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No, we're not having a baby but a lot of our friends and relatives have and are. So what does that mean for us? Well, we're having to budget for these:

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Yes, high chairs. The Lake Union Café has two booster seats but we have 4 little ones attending who will need high chairs. We also have about three kids 2-3 years old. This wasn't something I was expecting. I'm not complaining, I just wasn't expecting it. Yes, we could make it an adults only party, but that does seem right to us. My family has always included kids in events. I can't imagine what it would be like to get married and not have some of my cousins there. We're 11 years apart, but we still get along and during family gatherings, I'd much rather hang out with them than the adults.

So now we're renting high chairs. I've been looking around and I think I found a place that will rent high chairs for $4.50 a day and deliver them to our reception site. Not bad. We have an extra $50 we saved from our church and pre-marital counseling fees. That still keeps us on top by $30.

Have you been surprised by some unplanned expenses? What were they and did they dent the budget?

Who's Going to Shake Their Booty with Me?

Thanks to everyone who helped us make a decision about the after party. We are definitely going with Option 3 : A party later in the evening. I think everyone will need a chance to recover after the ceremony and reception.

Now that we have that bit sorted, the next thing we're thinking about is the guest list. Obviously, everyone who attended the wedding is invited. What we can't decide is whether to open up the after party to friends and co-workers who weren't invited to the day's earlier festivities. Since we worked at the EMP together several years ago, Mr. Joey and I have a lot of friends in common we only see occasionally who aren't invited to the wedding. Also, everyone at Mr. Joey's school knows we're getting married this summer at the school. The priest announced it during a faculty meeting. So much for secrets! I also have some people from work I'd love to invite.

We wish we could have invited everyone but it just isn't in the budget. Is it weird to invite people to the after party who weren't invited to the wedding? Would you feel slighted that you weren't invited to the wedding or would you be happy to share a few drinks with us later in celebration?

Shaking my booty all night long or until 8pm!

If you've been following the progress of our wedding day schedule, you know that our ceremony is really early which means our reception is pretty early. Our awesome venue, Lake Union Café, does hosts two receptions on Saturday and we're the afternoon one. I actually don't mind that the reception is in the afternoon. The room with filled with natural light and people will get to appreciate the beautiful daytime views of Lake Union. Fitting right? Celebrating our union on the side of Lake Union. I just figured that one out. :)

So here's our current planning dilemma. The after party. We know we want to have one, but we don't know where and what time.

Option 1
Some where close (walking distance) to the reception venue where we could go immediately after. Probably won't be super nice because most of the bars around there aren't to amazing looking.

Option 2
Somewhere else in the city (within 20 minutes drive) that's nicer but still right after the party

Option 3
Somewhere downtown or within 10 minutes of downtown that nicer and serves food. This after party would take place around 8pm. That gives everyone to a chance to change (if they want) and visitors to enjoy a little of the city during the day. It also gives us time to enjoy what just happened (the getting hitched part).

There are pros and cons of each. We'll get a better turn out for Option 1 but I don't want people to feel obligated to come. This is a totally optional event. It's rare we get all our friends in one place and it would be nice to have a little more time with them before we leave for Australia (woot! woot!) and they get back to their regularly scheduled lives. Saying that makes me feel like Option 3 is a better idea but I don't want people to feel like this wedding is an all day event. Remember we're starting early.

Also, I should say, the after party is a cash bar system. We'd hold reserve a space but we'd expect everyone to pay for themselves as this is totally option.

So what do you think?
Option 1
Option 2
Option 3

Mary, Queen of Yum!

I met Mary when she was temping at the non-profit I was working at in DC. She was really friendly, funny and patient. When I was asked to coordinate a new program, the first thing I did was tell my boss he had to go upstairs and insist the reception temp, Mary, applied for my old job. He did and she did and the rest is history. Mary and I worked with high school students for the republics of the former Soviet Union. I managed 40 smart but mischievous high schoolers and she manage high school exchanges. We spent a lot of time together (we were a department of two), bounced ideas off each other and had a few laughs. My students got themselves into plenty of trouble.

Although Mary was great at shuffling kids around and managing teachers from an array of countries, her true talents lay in the kitchen. I can't tell you how nice it was to come in on Monday to Mary's delicious weekend creations. The strawberry pies, the various curds, oh the beer and cheese bread! She always said she wanted own a bakery. She doesn't own one yet but she's working at a fabulous (a signature word of hers) one now. I'm so happy she's getting to do what she loves. How many of us are that lucky?

When Mr. Joey first got engaged, one of the first things we knew is that we didn't want cake. Mr. Joey doesn't like cake and I don't like it enough to make a case for it. Our original idea was to serve pies. Mr. Joey is huge pie lover. He'll eat any kind but pecan. Pie?! Who makes pies better than Mary? So I asked her if she'd make us wedding pie, and she said YES! I know what you're thinking, aren't we doing cream puffs? Yes, we're doing cream puffs. The more we thought about it, the more we realized pie was about Mr. Joey and not about us. But cream puffs? That's so us! So we changed our minds and I ask Mary if she could do cream puffs. She said yes and all was good again.

And then time passed and I realized maybe it wasn't the best thing to have Mary make the cream puffs. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not sure anyone could make any as good as hers, but I was concerned about time and freshness. Cream puffs have to be eaten fresh. A stale cream puff? Not good. Not many taste good made the night before. To get all the cream puffs done for the wedding, Mary would have to spend the day before the wedding make cream puff shells in a tiny kitchen and spend the morning of the wedding filling them. That's the other thing, I didn't want her to spend her time in Seattle in a kitchen. If she made the cream puffs, she would have missed the wedding ceremony and probably the rehearsal dinner. She'd be running around the reception trying to manage finishing touches and what fun is that?

So I looked around and actually found a Pho (Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup) restaurant that sells there yummy cream puffs. The owner said they bake and fill their cream puffs really early every morning. Perfect! 200 of $100? You can't beat that! So I emailed Mary and told her the news. I think she was a little relieved. She just baked a wedding cake for a friend and didn’t get to enjoy as much of the wedding as she would have liked.

Oh, but I was done with Mary. Just because she wasn't making the cream puffs doesn't mean she wouldn't be making anything.

I mentioned before that we're having to rearrange our ceremony/picture schedule because of some annual Seattle festivities I hadn't planned on. We thought about renting a bus, but it's just not in the budget. I don't really want to move the ceremony up - especially since the invitations are printed and out. So the solution is to take all the wedding pictures before the ceremony. Not such a huge deal until you realize that the Joey wedding starts at 10am. Yikes! So we're asking guest who want to be in pictures to get there early. We're also asking vendors (hair/make-up and photographers) and the wedding party to get there an hour earlier than scheduled. To make up for this we want to set up a breakfast bar. Think candy bar but with yummy breakfast goods and much needed coffee and tea.

What are we serving? Well, you'll just have to wait for that!

Did you change your mind about using a friendor because you knew it would either be too much of a financial strain for them or because you knew they wouldn't have any time to enjoy themselves?

Brown Dress Plan: weeks 2 & 3

I've just completed weeks 2 & 3 of the brown dress plan. I have to say, week 1 was much easier but 2& 3 weren't bad. I learned a few things that I hope will get me through weeks 5, 6 and 100.

My goals were:

1. Spin class twice a week
2. Eating breakfast every morning
3. Weights and abs an hour a week
4. Additional hour of cardio

How'd I do?

1. Spin class twice a week - week 2: 1 spin class week 2: no spin classes
2. Eating breakfast every morning : check
3. Weights and abs an hour a week : check.
4. Additional hour of cardio : week 2: 2 hours week 3: 3.5 hours

I also managed to get in 2 yoga classes both weeks and a little extra walking in during week 3 since Spring has finally come to Seattle. I wasn't as good with the only walking to the grocery store part of the plan but it did teach me some lessons.

My firsy lesson learned is all about planning. Since I take the bus to work, buying food and storing it in my car while I'm at the gym isn't an option. I need plan my workout days ahead of time so I know which days I need to go to the store. What about going home first and then to the gym? Oh, that's a big no-no for me. Once I'm home, I won't want to leave -- especially for the gym. If I'm home, I will do some weight training or workout DVD. Basically, planning is essential. I need to write out our dinner menu for the week over there weekend, and plan which days I go to the gym and which I workout at home and plan my shopping accordingly.

My second lesson learned is about being flexible. I love my Spin class but it fills really quick. I got to the gym at 4:50 for a 5:30 Spin class and it was already full. During the summer, getting a spot isn't as hard, but right now, it seems impossible unless you find a way to sign up really, really early. I think I need to either explore other classes or just jump on a machine until class turn out dwindles a little. It sucks because 1 hour on the elliptical isn't as satisfying as an hour of Spinning.

What lessons did you learn about a new health living plan or diet after the first few weeks? How did you adjust your plan or diet?

Wedding Traditions: Something Borrowed...

In 4 months time, Mr. Joey and I will be getting hitched. To mark the time, I thought I'd share with everyone one of my something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue things once a month until the big day. I'm so excited to share my something borrowed. I just confirmed I'd be borrowing this "something" about 20 minutes ago and couldn't wait to share.

A little background info first. My favorite Aunt on my Dad's side, and possibly in the world lives in London. Actually, she's my Dad's cousin but to me, she's my Aunt Marie. I met my Aunt Marie for the first time when I was 18 years old. I was on my way to Italy and my Dad suggested I meet my Aunt. I was a little nervous to be staying with an Aunt and family I'd never met but I shouldn't have been. They were awesome. My Uncle Basil is SOO nice and my cousins James and Juliette were about my age and really fun. My Aunt was everything my Dad said she would be and more. Since then, when ever I travel, I try to schedule my layover in London because I want to see them even if it's only for a day.

When Mr. Joey and I got engaged, one of the first people on my list was my Aunt Marie and her family. I asked my Dad for her address and he told me he knew they wouldn't be able to come. I was heartbroken. Then he told me why they couldn't come and not only was I heart broken but I was crushed. In the early 80's my aunt had an operation and of course needed blood. Unfortunately, her procedure was done at time before anyone really tested blood in the UK and a few years later they found out she had received Hepatitis from tainted blood. She's been living with this for over 20 years. There are good years and there are bad ones and it looks like this isn't the best year. My Aunt can't come to the wedding because she starts her 4th or 10th (I can't keep track) of round of treatments for her liver. It's crushing news on every level.

Today my Dad spoke to my Aunt and she said that she was about 90% sure my Uncle Basil and cousin Juliette could come to the wedding. I was really excited about this but was a little worried she wouldn't have the support in London she needed. They all assure me they can manage things for a week and it's won't be a burden.

OK, what was the point of this post? Right, something borrowed. So a few weeks ago, I was looking into how to incorporate our cultures into the wedding. The Filipino stuff is easy. I know the traditions and have figured out how to incorporate them into the ceremony. FMIL Joey is trying to come up with ideas for their traditions. Now just Sri-Lankan stuff. This is where I got stuck. While I am half Sri-Lankan, I was raised like I was completely Filipino. I learned Tagalog as a kid, eat and cook Filipino food and would describe my upbringing as Filipino. My Dad had no family when he moved to the US and married. His family didn't move to the U.S. until I was about 10. By then I was set in my ways. I've never been to Sri-Lankan wedding. My aunts all got married in Sri-Lanka. What kind tradition could I come up with?

I got my Sri-Lankan tradition for the most unlikely place, the Seattle Weddingbee meet-up. I hadn't been to a Sri-Lankan wedding but the other ladies there had. They described the weddings and I went home a goggled some of their ideas. I shared my findings with my Mom and we came up with the Going Away Outfit. So basically the going away outfit (also done in the UK) is a formal Sari that the bride puts on right before leaving the wedding (so I'm told). It signifies that the bride is no longer an unmarried woman. Traditionally, the sari is given to the bride by her groom but not in my case. It's going to be my something borrowed.

I called my Aunt this morning to say hi and tell her how sad I was she couldn't come but how happy I was my cousin and Uncle could make it. We chatted, she joked and then I asked her if in England they had the something borrow tradition. She said yes and I asked her if I could borrow a sari. I told her I know this wasn't exactly traditional but if I was going to borrow something, I wanted it to be special. For the first time in relationship, she was speechless. She said yes and said she knew exactly which sari she would be sending. I won’t see the sari until a few days before the wedding. I don’t care that I don't know what color it will be or how I'm going to put it on. I just care that it's hers.

Did your something borrow represent something emotional? Was it the item or the relationship you have with it's owner?

To Attend or Not to Attend?

Some Joey friends are getting married this weekend in a small town in North Carolina. Mr. Joey is headed there tonight but I'm staying behind. I feel bad about it but when we RVSP'd, I thought I wouldn't be able to go. I was told that I'd be taking a trip to Tanzania in early April and I knew if that was true, I'd be missing our friends' wedding. When my boss told me to go ahead and apply for a Tanzanian work visa, I knew there was a really good chance I'd miss the wedding.

Well, it's early April and I'm still here. Turns out the trip won't be for a while. The visa is still good, so I'm not worried about that. I do still bad about not making it to the wedding though. I knew a few weeks ago that I wouldn't be traveling for work and could have opted to join Mr. Joey, but I decided against it. I know, I know.

My biggest reason for not going is financial. If we both went to the wedding, it would cost us about $700 each not including food and a present. The wedding is in a tiny town that is served by two airline carriers. Fares are not cheap. Also, there's the car rental, place to stay before the wedding and the night of the wedding. I just can't justify that cost right now. I've got a nice big property tax bill coming my way in a few weeks and I'm pretty sure my half payment will be about $700.

Another reason I opted not to go was because I shouldn't take too much time off this month. We're headed to a wedding in San Diego in a few weeks. I took off 3 days to enjoy some sun. Yes, I'm spending money to go to San Diego but in the end because of a flight coupon and awesome condo deal, we're each only $400 for 6 days. We also knew about the wedding 3 months before the North Carolina wedding.

Mr. Joey knew he was going to this wedding from the beginning. Before they started teaching, Mr. Joey and the groom were best friends. They still are fairly close. They play in a band together, used to work at EMP together and are both teachers, so they spend a lot of time hanging out during school vacations. Mr. Joey knew that only 4 people from Seattle were headed to North Carolina for the wedding. This is a destination wedding of sorts.

Now Mr. Joey is doubting his decision. Making lesson plans for substitute teachers takes twice as long as making them for yourself. He's been struggling with his lesson plans all week. In addition, Mr. Joey is using his only 2 personal days for the wedding. He hasn't missed a day of school in 2 years. It's hard for him to miss school on purpose. Besides flying solo to the wedding, I think the biggest reason Mr. Joey is feeling a little down about attending this wedding is because of money. He owed the government money this year and now he's got his share of the structural engineer, architect and building permits to pay for. These weren't expenses we anticipated 4 months ago. I hope the weather gets nice and he really enjoys himself. I don't want him to feel bad about going to a friend's wedding.

Before Mr. Joey bought his plane ticket, I suggested an alternative to going to the wedding. The bride changed jobs late last year and while she happy about her new position, I think she's less than happy about the vacation benefit. She only gets one week and she's using it all to prepare for the wedding in North Carolina. Since the bride and the groom wouldn't be going on a honeymoon, I suggested we buy them a minimoon. I was thinking $250-350 gift certificate with Amtrak Vacations or the Victoria Clipper. I know you can get weekend deals to Portland or Victoria BC including transportation, hotel and transfers for $300. Mr. Joey and I did a lovely train trip to Vancouver last year with Amtrak. I was also thinking a weekend away at their favorite Washington Winery, a bottle of wine from that winery and a little cat sitting coupon from us. Wouldn't that be cute? I thought this was a great alternative; we'd save over a $1000 on the trip and they'd get a lovely minimoon.

What do you think? Knowing our financial situation (our own wedding this summer and house), would you forgive us for not attending your wedding? Would you have gone to the wedding or gave the minimoon gift?